"We are more and more asocial nowdays!" Yeah? Not really.
There’s this strange idea that society today is becoming increasingly asocial. I’ve heard this opinion countless times: "Nowadays, we spend most of our time on social networks and the internet. We don’t even go out anymore. You can buy food online and have it delivered to your house. You can work from home. People don’t want to spend time together anymore. They don’t want to be part of any community. They don’t visit their aunts and uncles. They don’t care about their neighbors. Simply put, we are more asocial than ever."
Well, my issue with this idea is simple: it’s complete nonsense. Like, come on... Really? People don’t go out anymore? Then why are there people outside? Why do I see groups of friends everywhere? Why are people drinking in pubs and bars? Why are clubs full of people? Why don’t they all go bankrupt?
What does it even mean that the number of asocial people is growing? Does that mean the overall number of loners and introverts is increasing with each generation? Are more of them being born? Or are individual people somehow changing? Like... someone who used to be very social and loved spending time with friends suddenly transformed their whole personality into a loner who spends all day at home? I doubt that has ever happened.
I think what’s really happening is that introverts, loners, and asocial people now have platforms where they can voice their opinions. They have social networks, YouTube channels, and blogs where they can say: "It’s OK to be a loner. It’s OK to spend your evening reading a book or playing a video game instead of going to a party. It’s OK to have a few close friends instead of being a party animal."
This newfound voice seems to have backfired, though. Instead of accepting that not everyone needs to be highly social, people interpret it as some sort of social crisis—or even an apocalypse. "Oh my God!" they say. "Everyone is ASOCIAL nowadays. That’s horrible. Where are the normal people who just go out to grab a beer?" But they’re wrong because asocial people are still a minority.
Actually, the opposite is true. We still live in an extrovert-dominated world, where it’s expected that everyone must be social, talkative, and open. There’s immense peer pressure to attend every birthday party, wedding, garden barbecue, team-building event, and Christmas party. If you refuse, people try to make you feel guilty. They’ll make you look like a complete jerk for saying no, claiming it’s rude and unacceptable.
The fact that many people are "triggered" by loners and push the narrative that "technology is causing a crisis of asociality" kind of proves how extroverted the world still is.
But no... People who were very social are still very social. People who were loners are still loners. Loners and introverts weren’t created by technology. Facebook, Instagram, video games, virtual reality, and self-checkouts didn’t make them that way. They’ve always existed. There have always been people who preferred going on solitary hikes, reading books at home, or meditating alone. This isn’t new. It’s a personality trait that has existed long before TikTok, online gaming, or COVID.
And the idea that social networks create asociality? That’s just weird. If anything, they do the opposite. Social networks allow people to find others who share the same hobbies, interests, and passions. If you love dinosaurs, for example, you can find a community of people who love dinosaurs too. And this happens all the time. Just look at Comic Cons, fantasy conventions, LARPs, furry conventions, and all these social events that wouldn’t be possible without social networks.
People don’t talk to their neighbors anymore? Personally, I still have small talk with my neighbors every day, so I’m not sure that’s true. And even if it is, there’s nothing wrong with it. Just because someone lives close to you doesn’t mean you have anything in common with them. The same goes for uncles and aunts. Just because someone shares your blood doesn’t mean you have anything to talk about. If my uncle loves soccer and I love dinosaurs, why force a relationship? Isn’t it a good thing that, today, people have the choice to build their own social circles?
What about buying things online instead of shopping in person? Sure, you might not chat with a shop assistant, but you still have small talk with the delivery driver. And working from home? We have daily calls with coworkers, so it’s not as "asocial" as some people think.
In short, all the arguments about how society is "more asocial nowadays" feel weak and unconvincing to me.
Now, you might ask, "If everything is fine, why is there an epidemic of loneliness? Aren’t people lonelier than ever before?" Come on... People have always felt lonely. The difference is that today, they can openly talk about it on Facebook, Reddit, or YouTube. In the past, only poets, philosophers, and writers expressed their feelings. Regular peasants probably didn’t have much time to dwell on loneliness while tending crops and feeding livestock.
Personally, I don’t consider myself asocial or a loner. I’m an introvert who loves spending time alone, but I also need to see people occasionally. The problem is that society doesn’t offer much for someone like me. I live in a small town where nothing happens. Social gatherings, when they do occur, are almost always centered on two things: food (barbecues, feasts) and alcohol (wine festivals, spring festivals). I don’t find either interesting or fun.
If my town hosted meetups for people who love discussing space, planets, and stargazing, I’d definitely go. I have plenty of topics I enjoy talking about: philosophy, animals, books. But no... People just want to gossip and talk about how drunk they got at a party.
This is the real issue. Everyone keeps blaming "Facebook" or "video games" or "the internet" for making us asocial, but no one talks about how society doesn’t provide many meaningful opportunities to connect. Maybe that’s why people feel lonely—not because of Instagram, but because our society is, frankly, boring.